Hello my name is Brycen Robert Rylan Couture. I am 12 years old and I am homeschooled. I am going to tell you a child’s perspective of corporal punishment. When I talk about corporal punishment, I’m talking about child abuse because that’s exactly what it is. If a husband hits a wife or a wife hits a husband, it’s illegal, but if a mother or father hits a child, it’s legal. Why is there a difference when two spouses hit each other than when a parent is violent towards a child? What is the difference?

Some adults like to use the word "spanking" so the child gets the impression that what the adult is doing is right. But if the adult uses the word "hit", the child knows it’s wrong. I believe that we need to start calling "spanking" what it really is: Spanking is hitting!

Now I am going to tell you a child’s perspective. My Mom is Laurie Couture. She is my special adoptive Mom. I was in several foster families. When I was in my biological family I got hit all the time. I also saw my brothers get hit and I hated it. Sometimes at night my step father would come in to "spank" us and we’d all dart under the bed. The only emotion I felt was fear... sheer and utter fear! And sometimes when one of my brothers would do something "wrong" my birthmother and step father would tell me to hit him. I even got hit in one of my foster homes, a place that was supposed to be protecting me from abuse!

When a child is getting hit, he feels like he is hated and no one loves him. He really feels like no one loves him. Over time, children start putting up bricks around their heart. They start shutting everyone out and they learn to dissociate. When they get older they may become a cold and callous person who can’t love. Hitting really does not help their behavior. When people really do tell them wrong from right, they ignore it all. Prisoners may have emotional problems from being hit. Not everyone turns out like that because they may have one person that really loves them.

When children get hit, the first feeling is fear, "I’m going to get pain". It is fear because it means violence. A kid’s definition of it is pain. They get that fear that clutches their heart like an iron grip. And that iron grip stays and it hardens over their heart and it just shuts them down. They feel angry, rage. They feel like they just want to get revenge and inflict pain on the one that inflicted pain on them. They feel sadness. The one who gave them the pain is the one who is supposed to protect them from pain. They feel distrust, they can’t trust anyone. Their natural feeling when they are with someone who cares is to trust, but when that very person that is supposed to protect them from pain, hurt and sadness hits them, the trust just disappears. They destroy all that trust. Unless someone shows they care who doesn’t hurt them, who uses strong but caring words, unless children have that type of person, they are going to stay that way.

Corporal punishment isn’t only about hitting. When a teacher or adult won’t let a child go to the bathroom when their body is telling them it is time to go, a child feels anger because they feel, "I NEED TO GO!" and the teacher won’t let you! You feel like you want to punch them because the adult is ignoring your body’s needs. The pain causes you to not be able to concentrate on what they are asking you to do. You feel pain and anger. Then you get scared when you have to go to the bathroom because you’ll get in trouble, so then you don’t ask and you start trying to rush through your work. That whole cycle of fear, sadness and rage starts all over again. When you start holding it, it desensitizes you to that feeling and you ignore your body’s feelings.

Now I’m going to talk about what children need. They need someone who can show them love and care without hurting them. Show them firmness in a gentle but strong way. That’s how they’ll feel loved and how they’ll learn to be a good parent. You have to show the care by giving discipline with strong, firm gentle words. You have to show you can master all your anger by taking deep breaths, changing your negative thoughts and saying sorry to your child. They’ll learn to trust. If children feel they are loved by you then they won’t do wrong in the first place because they will want to be cooperative and not be oppositional. If there’s a little problem, you calmly tell them the right way.

Parents need to set the example and be a role model, as some people call it. Show that mistakes are ok but acting out your feelings in a hurtful way is wrong. If they see you take deep breaths, changing your negative thoughts and doing grounding exercises, they’ll copy you.

First of all, STOP the angry yelling at children! I just feel like I want to run to the child’s defense and yell at the one who’s yelling at the child and stop it! If you’ve been hitting or hurting them, let them know you are sorry. If they are aggressive to you back, don’t try to use karate moves. Calmly walk away. Keep up the cycle of being caring and loving and process with them. Eventually they’ll start saying how upset and angry they are at you and open up and tell you their feelings. You have to show you are sorry and that you really are wanting a second chance to show love and care and you’re really sorry for the pain you inflicted on them.

After apologizing is done then you need to create a feeling of safety so they know they can trust you near them, so they won’t just shut down on you and close you out of their heart. Be gentle, loving and ready to show it. You need to be playful. Play is part of growing up! Also, stop punishment and use more consequences. When I’m oppositional my Mom gives me a consequence suitable to what I have done. And that teaches me. Then we process it, why I did it, what I could do next time and how to cope with the feeling that started it all. Because it’s almost always a feeling that started it! Then we can have a good day! This way teaches that parents need to be the parent, that everyone loves everyone and parents and children are respected and loved.

Kids really do need their hugs and praise every day. They need that special touch from the person they are loved by. Any age kids are needing of hugs and cuddling. Me and my Mom cuddle every day. When children know they are loved they want to please their parents and be cooperative. That makes a difference!

The reason I think corporal punishment should be banned is because it is wrong and it’s not equal. It pushes kids away. Adults can’t hit adults, so why is it ok for adults to hit kids? It’s not equal rights! When an adult hits a child, why can’t a child hit the adult back, because the child is copying what the adult just taught them is right! It makes the child feel if adults are allowed to hit, "so can I". It creates a cycle. Corporal punishment is disrespectful. When an adult hits a child, is the adult treating the child how the adult wants to be treated?

So, if you stop hurting children, then they won’t close their heart. They will be more accepting and trusting and they will give that love to another person. They will be more loving so the next generation and then the next and the next will do the same thing. Then there will be peace. If you start with the children a whole chain link starts of love, care, give and take. They won’t have all that anger stocked up in them and no one will be angry enough to start wars.

So you see, to save the world, you need to save the children!